Home » You're Engaged, Now What?
You're Engaged, Now What?
Posted: Tuesday, October 28, 2008
by Carol Murphy
Comfort Spring Station
The following tips will assist you in organizing your ideas and making your wedding an event you will cherish. Many young couples plan with the assistance of their parents, friends, and a professional wedding planner. There are books, magazines and articles to assist you in planning your wedding. Remember, a bride's personal style is more important than a trend. Your day can be as individual as you whether a small, elegant wedding or a large, beautiful affair. Chances are your "dream wedding" is different from your fiancée's; different, not better. Remember compromise is good practice for a long and healthy marriage together.
A cautionary note: Oprah did a show in 2006 about young couples who start their marriage with an overwhelming debt from a fantasy wedding to rival the biggest Hollywood star. If your budget permits, wedding planning professionals can assist you in planning and can save you time and money in securing reasonably priced invitations, place cards, napkins, thank you cards, balloons, photographers, etc. If you attempt to live a fantasy that you cannot afford, your future marriage will suffer.
Choose a planner based on services offered, prices, and references. Talk with a couple who used the planner for their wedding. If this is your second marriage or your families are complicated by divorce and/or second marriage, refer to wedding references for etiquette in our modern day.
1. Start a Wedding Notebook using a three ring binder, about twenty dividers, a 3-hole punch, business card holder and pockets for pictures and receipts.
2. As a couple, you need to start by making a few decisions together. Date of wedding and possible locations should be discussed. Have a calendar to mark for possible dates and dates absolutely excluded. Make sure secular and religious holidays, other family members' special occasions, and popular sports events do not cause a conflict. Even if you are not as religious as your grandmother or other relative, remember to consider their needs if your goal is their attendance. Also, if important family members will be taking a bar exam or medical board around that time, have them clarify what dates the exams fall that year. One young couple had the date, location and Officiant selected for three months when they learned the bride's brother would be taking his medical boards that weekend. They had to start over and change dates, location, and clergy. Breaking a contract can be expensive.
3. With your fiancé, decide on priorities. What is more important, the number of guests or the location? Do you have to have a live band or will a DJ suffice? Is the bridal dress your fantasy or is the location of your honeymoon your dream? Once the two of you know what is vital as a couple, you'll have a much clearer vision of how to allocate your resources and avoid unexpected conflicts down the road. This again is good practice in making compromises.
4. Budget - Start with a maximum amount that can be spent. If parents are paying for certain items, include this in your planning. Make sure you plan to include tips in your budget. Depending on the size of your affair, tipping costs can become quite high, easily increasing your totals costs by hundreds or even thousands of dollars. As you investigate costs by category (dress, cake, band, etc.), modify your budget where necessary. If one category greatly exceeds your budget, can you make a different choice elsewhere to lower costs?
5. Location: Choose a location that suits your taste and your budget.
6. Choose wedding attendants.
7. List tasks to be completed. Delegate, delegate, delegate when appropriate.
8. Retain an Officiant and a soloist (if desired), and select ceremony music.
9. Hire basics for wedding and reception: photographer, videographer, band or D J, and florist. Again, check references.
10. Create a wedding web site (if desired.)
11. Mail save-the-date cards 6 to 9 months before the wedding.
12. Send engagement announcement and picture to the newspaper.
13. Put together a guest list. The "A list" should include the must have's and the "B" list the people you would like to include.
14. Make one master list of guests with names and addresses. The list should be typed not handwritten. If you put the list in a spreadsheet or a database, it will be easier to access later. Most computers come with MS Works which has both a spreadsheet and database. Invitations should be mailed 2 to 3 months before wedding. If the clergy is invited to the wedding, be sure to send them an invitation.
15. Visit your wedding site during other weddings so you can observe.
16. Be sure to check your Entertainment book for 50% off coupons when making hotel reservations, ordering cakes, car washes, cleaners, dinner reservations, etc.
17. Check with your county government regarding the requirements to obtain a marriage license. If you are being married out of the state of your residence, check in the county of your wedding site. Requirements might include:
- valid ID for both parties (might require birth certificates)
- a waiting period before license can be picked up,
- a maximum length of time license is valid (i.e. 30 or 33 days)
- fee payable in cash or credit card (no personal checks)
18. Write short thank you notes as presents are received. Keep track of presents and notes in your wedding folder. If you are adept with software, add 2 columns for "gift" and "thank you sent" to your guest list spreadsheet. Do NOT write a thank you note in an email. It is not proper to send a formal invitation to a black tie event and then thank the guests with an email sent to 100 people. If you want a formal wedding, be prepared to accept responsibility for the duties that come with it. It is acceptable to make address labels from your spreadsheet, and just write a short note of thanks to put in the envelope. Or you may hire someone to write the notes.
19. Meet with the band leader or D J to firm up details, such as
- The pronunciation of people's names
- How will the bride and groom be introduced into the room?
- What song will be playing when they enter?
- Who will say a blessing? (if given)
- How many toasts and when?
- Acknowledge out-of-town guests.
- Who will be dancing during the bridal dance?
- Is there a sweet table? When will it open?
- When will you cut the cake? Serving it as dessert?
- Are you tossing the bouquet? Throwing the garter?
20. Can flowers be used elsewhere after the ceremony? Will any of your centerpieces be needed for brunch the next day? Will you give the centerpieces to certain guests at the end of the evening? If so, decide how?
21. Put a toiletry basket in the ladies and men's bathroom.
Ways to Accomodate Out of Town Guests
- Arrange for group discounts at one or more hotels well in advance. Guests are responsible for making and paying for their own reservations.
- Always include a map in your gift basket.
- Have complimentary valet parking at reception. Ideally, your guests should not have to pay for anything at the reception. Arrange bus service if you think there are heavy drinkers and/or enough out-of town guests to warrant it.
- If you are sending itineraries to guests, indicate the type of attire they will need for each event.
- Provide a list of places for guests to visit during non-wedding interludes, such as shopping malls, art galleries, museums and parks.
Rehearsal Dinner
1. Have the rehearsal dinner somewhere other than the wedding site. Try to make this a fun and relaxed evening, not another wedding.
2. Present gifts to attendants at the rehearsal dinner.
The Day is Here!
- Break in your shoes before the day of the wedding. Bring an extra pair for emergencies.
- Groom and both dads should bring an extra shirt in case of stains, sweat, etc.
- The bustle on your wedding dress should not drag on the floor. Parents and guests have accidentally stepped on the bride's train, ripping her dress and falling.
- If you are wearing a strapless dress, please have it fitted properly. Nothing is worse than watching a bride walk around all evening pulling up her dress and folding her arms over chest to hold her dress up.
- Make-up and hair appointments should be made well in advance and allow extra time.
- Have finger foods such as cheese, crackers and grapes, for the bridal party to nibble on during picture taking.
Reception
- The time of year will influence your choice of a reception site and food.
- Keep toasts to a minimum and no longer than two minutes. If you have a lot of toasts, do some of them at the rehearsal dinner.
- Ask if the caterer provides linens and skirting. Will the floor plan allow for a riser and easy access to plugs for the band or D J?
- Plan the timing of events and the order so that there are no surprises.
- Once all wedding plans are set with the caterer, band, photographer, etc., try not to make changes that evening. One change can set off a chain reaction.
- Delegate one person to be in change of gifts.
- Who is in charge and what will you do with extra food, flowers, and gifts at the end of the evening?
- Can you bring and store items the day before the wedding?
- Do not allow "tip jars" at the bar.
Carol Murphy has worked in education and social services. She currently is a small business owner in Florida. Her website,
www.ComfortSpringStation.com, offers natural, affordable bath, body & skin care. In May, Comfort Spring Station became part of The Great Buffalo Trading Post in Oldsmar, Florida. Products offered include jewelry, posters, tee shirts, vintage and retro gifts.
that offers information on a variety of topics.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
Wow, Carol - I believe you thought of everything. Great guide for the bride and groom.
Thanks Lorrie; this is my first article for SearchWarp and I appreciate your positive feedback. Carol
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